12 Ways To Break “Man Code”



Posted: Thursday, June 05, 2008

by
David Wygant

When you first look at a man and a woman, you are able to notice the subtle differences between the sexes. It is when the two sexes communicate with each other, however, that the differences become truly glaring. This is because one is speaking "he talk" while the other is speaking "she talk."

Where this difference really becomes a problem is when you are in a relationship, and you need to know how to combine "he talk" and "she talk" into "we talk." So I feel like it's my job as a man and as a dating coach to help all the women learn how to understand "he talk" (or "man talk" as I like to call it), so that they won't need to hire a translator to understand what men are saying.

Women always want men to express their feelings. They always complain "Why can't he just say he loves me?" or "I wish he would just compliment me more."

What you need to pay attention to and realize, though, is that men do tell you they love you and compliment you . . . they just do it using their own language. Men, in fact, sometimes don't use words at all when they are communicating with you.

This will help you understand men's verbal and non-verbal language. Sometimes it's not what men say, but it's their actions that are significant. It is necessary for women to learn to interpret men's very roundabout way of communicating with them.

Here are 12 things that men say and do as a relationship progresses . . . and what they really mean:

PART I: "THE BEGINNING STAGES": These first 4 are all part of "New Relationship Man Code." If you pay attention to these at the beginning of a relationship, you will have a much better idea both of how well your relationship is going and, more importantly, how the man in this new relationship believes it is going.

  • A man tells you he needs his space . So what does this mean to you? It means that you need to ignore him and not call him. Men love the chase. By not calling him, he'll start calling you and wondering what happened. Also, by not making yourself too available, it keeps a man on his toes. This is important early in the dating process.


  • When a man calls you each night just to say "goodnight," this actually has several meanings (beyond that which may seem to be the obvious one) especially when a relationship is new. This is one thing men will do early in a relationship as a way of seeing if we still like you. You see, men are always looking at relationships with a "grass is always greener" eye, and calling you like this early in a relationship is a way to confirm that we are still interested in you. Thus, if a man continues to do this as the days pass, women should read this as a good sign of early interest in a relationship.


  • He offers to make you dinner at his house, and when you arrive you notice that in the middle of the table sits a vase with your favorite flowers in it (which he only heard you mention once in passing during a conversation you had on your first date). In man talk, what does this mean? By doing this, he's telling you that he pays attention to you, and he is interested in learning more about you and sharing more things with you. Men generally do not pay particular attention to the different varieties of flowers. If he not only payed attention to the name of a particular flower you like, but remembered it days later so that he could have them in his home for you to see, this is a very good sign of early interest. Most men couldn't tell you the difference between a rose and a rhodendrum ... Take this as a sign of definite interest in wanting to escalate a new relationship to a higher level.


  • You have plans to meet him at a place that was close to his house, and at the very last minute you were having car problems. So you call him and tell him that you are having car issues and can't make it. Not only does he offer to pick you up, but he insists on picking you up. This in man talk will tell you that he is interested in you as more than friends, because we don't go out of our way for just any woman. We only go out of our way for women in whom we are really interested.


    • PART II: "MIDDLE OF THE PROCESS": The next four examples of "Man Code" tend to occur after a relationship has moved past casual dating, has perhaps become exclusive, but has not necessarily become really serious. If you are unsure of where your relationship is headed during this period, the four "Man Codes" below may give you a lot of insight into whether your man sees your relationship headed toward something more serious.

  • After spending a few nights hanging out at his home watching movies, he looks at you and says "It would be nice to snuggle all night with you." What he's really telling you, is that he'd like to cook you breakfast in the morning and get to know you more. What he's also saying is that he'd like to take this relationship further. Contrary to popular belief, there are a lot of men out there who love to snuggle and connect with a woman emotionally. When a man says "snuggling," he really does mean snuggling.


  • He pays attention to details. A man tells you that he has a surprise for you on a Sunday. You're hoping and praying that it's not going to the football game with him. He tells you to be ready at 2:00 pm. He picks you up, and he takes you to this art gallery opening to which you've been dying to go. When a man pays attention to the details, it means that he's really interested in getting to know you, and really interested in sharing your interests and your passions.


  • The man you're dating calls you for a spontaneous lunch, or calls to say he's "in the neighborhood" and just wanted to see you to say "hello." When a man does this, he is telling you that he wanted to see you and is expressing his growing interest in you. As most women already know, men are very visual, and when we like a woman we enjoy getting a "visual fix" by finding a way to connect with you during a non-planned time. Men bond with women not only emotionally, but also visually. A man who is becoming more interested in a woman will start to do these random "pop ups" after the first month or so.


  • When a man calls you and says "I want you meet my friends on Friday night," this is big – especially early in a relationship. He's introducing you to his pack. It means that he thinks you are hot and sexy, and he wants to show you off to his friends.


    • PART III: "THE END PROCESS": These last four examples of "Man Code" relate to the point in your relationship where things are serious but you may be unsure whether your man is considering a future with you. These will help you decipher some of the things men do in this stage of a relationship

  • He tells you "I've cleaned today." What this means in man talk is "I spent the day doing something I dislike more than anything." You need to realize that when a man says this to you, he really likes you. To most men, cleaning the house is just about the WORST way he can spend a day.


  • He starts talking about how crazy all his single friends' lives are, and then he tells you that he doesn't miss it at all. What most women will think if they hear this, is that he misses those days. This is not true. He says this because he is looking for confirmation that you feel exactly the same way. He also wants to communicate that he's ready to take the relationship to the next level. This is an important turning point in a relationship from "just dating" to "getting more serious."


  • He teases you a lot about things like how clumsy you are or about how you put smiley faces in every one of your emails . What he's really telling you when he does this is that he really likes you a lot. Remember that men are just giant boys . . . we tease the ones we love and ignore the ones we don't. This is an indication that your guy is happy in this relationship.


  • Since you recently took him to your family's house for dinner, he can't stop talking about how much fun he had with your brother . What he means here is that he really likes your family, and wouldn't mind being a part of your family. In his mind, then, you and he are not only serious but he has started to think about whether he can see himself marrying you.


    • Once you understand the hidden language and actions of man talk, you'll become far more secure in your dating and relationships. So the next time you go over to your man's house and he looks at you and says "I cleaned today," you'll know that he really meant to say "I must really like you, because I can ignore my mess most of the time."

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    Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
    » left by kristen from brooklyn 3 years 172 days ago.
    if a man introdues you to his chirldren and his family early on is he interested in a serious relationship
    » left by Nadine 1 year 26 days ago.
    He's definitely interested in something serious, but this might be a sign of a bad father. A responsible father doesn't introduce their children to someone he just went out on a few dates with.
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